I’ve Been Mistaken for a Musician or My Lost Holiday

 

 

I just got back from what I was taking to calling a writing sabbatical, but more turned into a wander and sleep fest in Victoria, BC.

 

A distinct lack of motivation and desire to want to do anything. Maybe too much time thinking but that’s how I roll I spose. I really wanted to get more songs done, or should I say, it would have been cool IF I had. But the thing with writing is if I want it done, I have to sit down, focus and do it. Its not divine inspiration. Its intentional and specific…to whatever it is.

 

That may sound like it would steal the creative side of it, but if I don’t operate like that, I don’t get anything done. There’s always the songs that just COME up, but 90% of the time I have sat down to write them knowing I would write something.  Now… there are the songs, that creep up on me, right before I drift off to sleep. And I’m so convinced that the melody I’m humming as I fall into my slumber will be with me until morning. How could it not, I’ve been humming it while I try to sleep and it wont go away.  But, inevitably… when I wake next to my piles of laundry and a guitar case, I realize that the great feeling of that song and the song itself are gone.

 

This happens all the time. Ever since I began writing songs. My best ideas come before I sleep. This particular song had three parts, a lazy three-part harmony chorus based somewhere in B-minor.  The easy save would be for me to sit up and start playing it before I crash…I just don’t.  I give myself sympathy for being tired or that because I’m on a holiday or maybe that song sounds like something else, I should just leave it for morning.

 

Now what kind of  “musician” does that. It bugs the hell out of me but I guess being lazy is being human.  And all success is derived from direct action. The balance is there somewhere.

Disguised in Reality Tour or Gaining Distance

Disguised in Reality Tour or Gaining Distance

With the Disguised in Reality Tour fast approaching I needed some real time away from home. But the further away I seem to be, the less of a difference it seems to make. I’ve been out here in Beautiful Victoria, BC Canada, relaxing, more or less reliving past Sundays over and over again. Walking into downtown, looking at the water and the mountains in the distance.

I came out here to get away, from what I’m not exactly sure but I just wanted to do NOTHING, go for coffee in the morning, write a little, drain my head of thoughts like a massive sweltering blister. I dont know if its working but I needed to know where I stand with myself and the future of whatever it is I am doing. Taking the time to focus on the next couple of years but more importantly these next few months.

I take a lot of time in my life to watch. A voyeur of human behavior. But I’m not sure if its out of sheer entertainment to see a couple fighting over whos gotten to do what on their vacation, or if its juts out of curiousity. Maybe both.

The point is reflection time is good for you but can also paralyze you in a state of inaction against yourself. Out of the entertainment value of your own thoughts you just fester with nothingness. Talking big and acting big are two different things.

I’ll be the first to say I only have a very vauge idea of HOW I am trying to persue a life in music. I do know thats what I want, but how? All I know right now is to take action on the things I can put into motion while still maintaining some sense of me. Think, Build, Display, Repeat. Its all there.

Disguised in Reality Dates Coming Soon

My ADD or A Love of WW2 Games

 

I spent a good portion of my nite/morning, watching highlights of the up and coming Brothers In Arms: Highway To Hell video game from Gearbox Software.

A singing endorsement maybe but the fact is my admiration of this part of history comes form a long standing love of stories from that time from my grandfather who served in the 28th Armored Brigade, part of the 4th Armored Division in WW2.

Mike “PAPA” Kirby as we called him would tell us only short stories of the shit he went through during his service in Europe and in England. Only little glimpses of what he could actually tell. Fascinating & equally terrifying, it created a desire in me to learn more throughout my childhood and even more so when he passed away, to learn more about what he did. 

This in turn lead my already huge love of video games to turn into a love of WW2 based games, Call of Duty, Brothers In Arms etc and an avid re-watcher of A Bridge To Far and Band of Brothers.

So what the hell does this have to do with ADD…

Well, part of this downtime I’m in while at home, part of being back means I have to write, I just HAVE to, this is the only time I feel like I can, in between work and seeing friends and living a normal life. But what the hell can I contribute by writing, what do I say, what do i have to share when someone like PAPA, reagardless of your perspective on war, seems to have done so much more in his service during WW2 then I feel like I could do in a lifetime?

So, when I feel like writting and then as usual get stuck in a thought, I turn to my video games, my distractions that for the most part put me in the mindset of, though I may have not done much, I can at least see what it is I DID NOT have to do in my lifetime. 

Now there are always wars to fight. But I think what I’m aiming for here is that regardless of how insignificant I think my life may be at times, or we as people think at times, we have all made a decision to do what it is we do. regardless of historical impact.

I don’t ever mean to downgrade PAPAs choices to become a soldier. As he told me that, all of his friends were going, everyone was a part of it. And when I look at my own life, all of my good friends are doing music, all of my friends want to be a part of it. And conversally, my cousin Jeff, who currently is serving with the Canadian Armed Forces could probably say the same thing. 

Now its not to say we dont have free will and we only do what are friends want or do. But that based on our surroundings, we do what we think is best for us. And best for what we think we can contribute to this world.

I found that on tour this last time I lost any and all belief in some sort of God or supernatural being. Luck is the only thing I think contributes. A chance, circumstance. I’ll save you the reasons why I think religion is all a farce because these are my own beliefs and as a human I have them, but the fact remains, we will all do things we believe to be true and believe we can have an impact on. 

I play WW2 video games because I believe that these individuals, at that time, knew only that being a part of a war so international, was the only way to help. They believed so strongly in what they fought for that it could only be the RIGHT thing they were doing. 

Regardless of torment and efects after, they did it because a pation in them stemmed so deep from there surroundings they knew they had to. 

And this is why I do what I do. As much as I question its validity and purpose or lack of effect. I love expression thorgh music and making a change through music. So I will forever be this. 

Papa never got to watch me play. I always thought he wouldnt be able to bear it as I was in a rock band then. But he always wanted to. He never thought less of what I might be contributing, as he did during his youth. All I think we ever wanted was to make some impact on this world.

I hope, at some point when I get past whatever it is this self doubt is doing I can do something as significant as he did during the war. I hope its not in vain. And I hope its for the right reasons.

I’m gonna go play Brothers In Arms now.

Cheers

Kirby

The Disappearance / Reappearance of Me or How to Kill Your Liver in 6 Weeks

Me and The Boys of Blind Mule

 

 

 

So Where Have I Been?

 

 

Well if you checked out Kirbysings.com this summer you would have noticed the poster for the Blind Mule Kirby Tour. 6 weeks across Canada. 6 Weeks in a tiny MPV Mazda MiniVan with 7 people. Cramped quarters, yes, but also a lesson in fun and awesome. 

 

My original plan, when this tour came about, was to have this killer stage performance with a video screen and some other fun, coupled with some bitchin props. Alas, 7 people in a tiny van doesn’t leave much room for anything, let alone props.

 

In the end I left from Blind Mules home base in Hamilton on a sweltering July afternoon with a bag, guitar and some merch. Off on the road we go.

 

I learned so much about myself on this past tour and without getting into too much blah blah blah, I can honestly say my perspectives and assumptions on life and people have changed. I felt so young on this tour, in mind and body.  I spent my 26^th birthday at an amazing festival called ArtsWells ( http://artswells.com) that help contribute to a lifestyle I am apparently now living. The touring Musician. I’ve let go or at least tried in ernest to let go of the apprehension surrounding what it is I want from life, tried to feel less timid. Though thoughts like that always persist. Being around this positive energy at that festival was something unknown to me before and frankly never knew exsisted. Some called it magic that weekend, but whatever it was, I’m now changed because of it.

 

I met too many amazing artists to name though I do encourage you to check out:

 

Corwin Fox: http://www.myspace.com/corwinfox

The Gruff: http://www.myspace.com/thegruffband

James Lamb: http:// www.myspace.com/jameslamb

Miss Emily Brown: http://www.myspace.com/missemilybrown

Don Alder: http://www.myspace.com/donalder

Wax Mannequin : http:// www.myspace.com/waxmannequin

Now, as for the lack of communication while on the road.  I made a decision about a week into the tour that I would try as little as possible to contact anyone, or let anyone know exactly what I was up to. A chance for some self discovery, self reflection…mostly just SELF stuff. Self-ish… a little. But I cant remember a time when I’ve ever had a chance to do that.

There are tons of pictures from tour, though I only have a few and more stories from many a sorted nite drinking too much booze, swimming at 2am and sleeping on trailers in stead of in the van. More stories and more will come in future posts.

Good to be home.

Defining Yourself or At Least if I was a Hooker, I’d Know what I Sell

You see because that’s the thing. In this crazy tumultuous music world, where do you fit yourself as a musician? Or wait, are we just entertainers? Or…both? Or neither…..

The experts will claim that to sell effectively you first need to truly define what you are.  Pretty in-depth stuff for a bunch of EXPERTS wouldn’t you say?  I can almost imagine a group of stoner hippies, in suits sitting around a hookah in a dimly lit coming up with this stuff. But I digress.

The hardest part of my own life/career/existence thus far has been that exact definitive.  WTF am I, or supposed to be?   At one of the shows from The Good Fight Tour, a strange dude came up to me, looked me in the eye and said something to the effect of, “Don’t worry about being anything other than yourself, that’s what people relate to, and what they react to.”  

Now you have to understand, I had just finished my first set at this gig in Medicine Hat called the Ottoman Lounge and at first I thought this guy was hitting on me, cause he walked past me like three times before actually approaching me, gazing and smirking at me with every pass.  As it turns out he’s a music therapist (I know, I couldn’t believe that was a job either) and he broke down the whole set for me, as to when I seemed comfortable, nervous, insincere, honest, self deprecating.  I got a mini sessions with this guy and the best part, was the ease I felt after talking with him.

The thing is, being yourself is not only about finding that sense of knowledge, where you are operating in harmony with your consciousness… as in, “If I just punch this baby, that would be the meanest thing ever and completely idiotic, not to mention psychopathic and banana nuts, cause I know I’d be charged with baby punching and why the hell would I punch a baby in the first place, what does that say about me.”  But that you are fine with who you actually are.

And that in itself seems to be the main issue… are we really fine with our selves. I wasn’t during that set in Medicine Hat; all I could think about was what these strangers 3ft away from me were thinking of me. 

But hell, I’m sure even some hookers are fine with who they are and love their jobs (no pun intended). Why can’t I be?  I’ve found that not only in myself but in many others a need to avoid the reality that is self, that is us as individuals. Either by fear, worry or some unknown.  Because the unknown can be terrifying.  But being who we really are not only lets us function on a balanced plain, it keeps your head straight, it lets you see clearer what it is you really want out of everything.  It’s like formatting your computer as it were, or calibrating it at the very least.

The older we get or the longer  we are involved with something (i.e. your job, relationships, bad habits) the harder it may seem to make sense of what it is we are doing or WHY it is.  Taking a few moments, every now and then…or every day… whatever works best for you, to make sure you have defined a path for yourself just might keep you out of the shittier side of life and worrying less about hippies with hookahs… or Music Therapist with anterior motives.